well you can't waste a boner
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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