Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
