I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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