you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
