so explain again why im purple
no
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
