What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
