you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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