Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
