Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
