franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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