she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
