I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
