Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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