Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
