I wanna passion pit in your ass
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
