im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
