she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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