her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
