When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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