I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
