i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
