Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He passed out mid-signature
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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