i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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