he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Michael Bay diarrhea
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
