Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The air taste purple.
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