i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
