Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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