dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
