she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
