Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
