its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
