In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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