My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
