I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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