i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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