Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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