I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
tell me about the eggs
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