Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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