He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
