i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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