I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
