I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
