Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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