Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
