Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
