I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he was CRYING into my vagina
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
the liver wants what the liver wants
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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