it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
