bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Actions speak louder than pants.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
