No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
