Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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