My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
